Strathcarnage Transfer Activity 2

Been busy down the Carnage Bowl (in stark contrast to the rarely changing squad down the Gunter)...


Out:
Alex da Silva, 17, Uruguay - promising baby midfielder off to Saucy Wings FC for £7k
Arda Dincer, 19, Turkey - reserve/youth striker off to FC Fenz for £7k
Resul Timurlenk, 19, Turkey - youth DR off to FC Fenz for £7k, presumably to keep Arda company.
Oscar Lopez, 29, Spain - versatile, high-earning fullback away to Betorama FC for £1 (yes, One Pound). A bargain and will be missed.
Gil, 29, Brazil - Enigmatic striker off to Spen Black & Whites for £3. Doubtless a bargain, but will not be missed.



In:
Marjan Vukovic, 16, Slovenia - young DM, £15.7k from free agency.
Eldin Stanic, 15, Bosnia - very young AMC, £15.7k from free agency.
Filip Stojkovic, 17, Serbia - young DR, £15.7k from free agency.
Marko Filipovic, 16, Croatia - young DC, £15.7k from free agency.
Roberto Puncec, 18, Croatia - slightly less young DC, £15.7k from free agency (fringe first teamer right away, that one).


17 out of 21 now FYRs < flex > - puts the Germans down the Gunter to shame...

Strathcarnage Transfer Activity 1

Out:
Highly rated midfield prospect Edu Ramos has gone to Connor Raeside's Killie Army in an exchange deal.
Bruno Demetrio Iotti (Brazilian midfield schemer) has gone to Sporting Lesbian AFC for £16k.
Marvin Emnes has gone to Spartak Aston for £30k (+20% of future profit).
Olumide Oyedeji has gone to the mysterious ______X_______ for £16k.
Lerato Chabangu has gone to Lett.Comm for £30k (+22% of future profit).


In:
GK Bojan Zogovic, 21, Montenegro - £15.7k from free agency.
DC Milan Medic, 20, Serbia - £15.7k from free agency.
MC Stefan Ilic, 20, Serbia - £15.7k from free agency.
FC Lovro Scrbec, 20, Croatia - £15.7k from free agency.
MC Milos Bosancic, 21, Serbia - £40k from A Team of David Rays
MC Nikola Drincic, 25, Montenegro - exchange deal from Killie Army
MC Mehmed Alispahic, 22, Bosnia - £22k from St. James' Park Loyals
FC Aleksandar Djokovic, 18, Serbia - £12k from The Diesel Academy

Onion Terror Transfer Activity 1

Out:
Young Scottish Midfield prospect has moved to Chris Sawyer's Essex Town FC for £12k.
Striking prospect Andre has moved to Connor Raeside's Raeside's 11 for £28k.


In:
30 year old Norwegian striker Roar Malmo (splendid name) has been signed from the free agent list for £15.8k/

Strathcarnage: Ramos Pre-Season

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Home:


Away:



Goalkeepers
1 Stipe Pletikosa, 31, Croatia. Bit of luck, one of the better FYR GKs available in the starting pools. Sure, there will be better to come, but Stipe is the man for now.

13 Enllelbert Gonzalez, 27, El Salvador. Competent and capable back up, with a borderline unpronounceable and curiously welsh looking first name.



Defenders
17 Resul Timurlenk, 19, Turkey. A sprightly young rightback, progressing reasonably well.
2 Oscar Lopez, 29, Spain. Keeping Resul out of the side, a versatile, dependable fullback.
18 Burak Inkaya, 24, Turkey. Quality left back, equally adept in midfield. Definitely has a future (but as he isn't an FYR, probably not with The Carnage).
3 Sinisa Rozman, 19, Croatia. One for the future, and the second FYR in the pool.
12 Gabri, 19, Spain. Great physicals, not much else. Plenty of green arrows, though.
5 Caner Osmanpasa, 22, Turkey. Towering centre half. Like, 6'4" towering.
6 Olumide Oyedeji, 26, Nigeria. Nearly as towering, only an inch shorter.



Midfielders
7 Edu Ramos, 18, Spain. Hugely promising and tenacious midfielder, probably the pick of prospects.
8 Bruno Demetrio Iotti, 23, Brazil. Quick, stylish, promising midfield schemer.
11 Marvin Emnes, 21, Netherlands. Yes, THE Marvin Emnes.
14 Alex da Silva, 17, Uruguay. Promising baby midfielder.
6 Aleksandar Petrovic, 27, Serbia. Second last of the FYRs in the starting pool, plays a keep role at DM.



Forwards
9 Lerato Chabangu, 24, South Africa. Yes, THE Lerato Chabangu.
15 Arda Dincer, 19, Turkey. Tricky little prospect, possible candidate for the deep lying striker role. But equally, a possible candidate for termination with extreme prejudice (or just releasing).
10 Gil, 29, Brazil. One of the most expensive initial purchaes, but not managed to make it work yet. Troubling.
19 Veljko Vukovic, 20, Serbia. Last of the FYRs, pretty good haul overall, understudy to both forward roles in the Carnage 4132.

Onion Terror: Valderrama Pre-Season

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Home:


Away:


And so it began. The new dawn for Borussia Oniongladbach, a new world, a new start, a whole new opportunity to make a pig's ear of matters. First, there was the matter of the starting squad. Unfortunately, the pool to choose from only contained two Germans, so the theming was off to a bad start.


Goalkeepers
1. Tino Schmidt, 28, Germany. Currently first choice, solid and dependable rather than stupendous.

13. Steinar Nilsen, 23, Norway. Tino's understudy, but with an uncertain future. Has performed well when called upon then, currently showing as 3 star prospect.



Defenders
5. Jose Velasco, 23, Spain. Claims to be a centreback, but evidence would suggest he isn't even a professional footballer. Can jump, though, which is helpful for getting jars from high shelves. Currently showing as a 3 star prospect, but facing a life on the Spanish dole.

6 Youssef Al-Shemmari, 29, Saudi Arabia. An elegant centreback who can adeptly fill-in at DM when required, Youssef has been performing well and definitely has a future at the Gunter Netzer Stadion beyond the opening season.

2 Massimo Campo, 22, Belgium. At 6'3", Massimo doesn't fit the stereotype of the flying wingback, but that's exactly what he is - a Belgian Hans-Pieter Briegel. Although only showing as a 3 star prospect, he has been playing well and will likely be one of the last to fall victim to the German theme.

3 Juan Pablo Mannara, 19, Argentina. Probably the pick of the starting bunch. An excellent wingback (would be just as happy in midfield) with frightening pace and a very bright future. A 4 star prospect currently, he will take some shifting. They speak a fair bit of German in Argentina, right?

12 Flavio Luiz Diniz, 18, Brazil. Young, three and half star prospect centreback. Keeping Velasco out of the side, but a likely candidate for transfer once a more suitable senior German becomes available.



Midfielders
4. Joaquin Hernandez, 25, Spanish. The fulcrum of the side, has already notched a hattrick of penalties in a single friendly. Already a key onion.

8 Damir Hajdinjak, 26, Slovenia. Adds bite in the MC two (just ahead of Hernandez. Steadily increasing in value, another early key onion.

17 Ahmet Wagner, 21, Germany. Second of the Germans in the initial pool, and chosen on this basis. Very quick. but only currently showing as 2.5 star prospect, and it shows. Possibly not the brightest of futures for little Ahmet, I'm afraid.

15 Aleksandar Bogdanov, 19, Bulgaria. First reserve for the advanced midfield role, Aleks could still go either way (in footballing terms, pervert). Currently showing 3 stars of potential.

7 Yaw Johnson, 26, Ghana. First of two Ghanaians, Yaw is a quick, athletic allrounder of a mid. Does the charging about whilst Damir does the crunching tackles. Has been doing it well, too.

18 Mustapha Owusu, 21, Ghana. Second of the two Ghanaians and, despite early promise, is very much in the shadow of Yaw. A similar style of player, although less quick, he's currently sporting two and a half stars of potential.

20 Michael Russell, 15, Scotland. Three stars of potential at present for a very bright midfield prospect. Would likely be better suited to a youth oriented team to maximise that potential (which is why he was subsequently sold to Essex Town FC)



Forwards
10 Grezgorz Szewcyzk, 22, Poland. Equally at home in the advanced midfield as in attack, Greg has been turning in some good performaces, but also has a tendency to fade towards the end of a match. Jury is still out, currently showing 3 stars of PA.

11 Leonardo Perez, 23, Argentina. A fixture in the deep lying striker role, Lenny is the fan favourite (probably due to his 3 stars of rep. They're easily impressed). Performs to a consistently high level, belying the current 3.5 stars of potential.

9 Leonardo, 23, Brazil. One for the advanced striker/poacher role, Lenny 2 has a tendency to blow hot and cold. Sublime on his day though, currently sporting 3.5 stars of PA.

21 Andre, 18, Brazil. Quick, brave and with a good eye for goal, this 3.5 star prospect has since been sold on to Raeside's 11.

Managerial Choices (Post-Reset)

Onion Terror came out of the reset with significantly more bonus skillpoints to allocate than Strathcarnage (due to existing longer), but the primary motivations behind the allocations were the choices of GW type.

Onion Terror (Fantasy GW):
A single nation theme, no real-life players, no Returning Stars. A focus on youth and long term development. With this in mind, the two specialisations were Coaching and Scouting. Strong all round coaching and JP5 are the two main benefits. A single academy is being built in Germany, with no plans for any more. Most non-specialities were bumped to level 3 if possible, with learning skills the other main beneficiary. Quicker, ultimately accurate assessments, and a productive coaching environment for the prospective Kinderzwiebel.


Strathcarnage (Returning Stars GW):
A multi-nation theme, so a single large academy would prove less useful. As would a large dependency on youth production itself. So, the choices here were Infrastructure and Management. Finance 5 and Commercial 4, Academy Operation and Construction 4, 3s most other appropriate places. Currently one small academy under construction (in Montenegro), with the long term plan to complement it with another small academy (either Serbian or Croatian), but still spending less overall than the Onions. Income maximised where possible, savings on stadium expansion, overall goal of maximising available cash for the release of the higher valule FYR players (and eventually Returning Stars).

Onion Terror & Strathcarnage: Why Theme?

Why theme? It's fun! Why these particular themes, German and Yugoslav? A product of my age and the exotic football influences of my youth. These days, all football, everywhere, is far too readily accessible, the mystery has somewhat gone. Back then though, everything seemed so much more appealling by its scarcity. Paul Breitner had a massive beard! Who knew! I didn't, until he turned up on Superstars. Immenseley skilled midfielders could be built like brick shithouses, who knew! I didn't, until I saw a picture of Gunter Netzer. Then, of course, Kick Off 2 (god bles you Dino Dini) had a set of genius all-time classic teams. Gunter was in that, and sublime (not like the weasel faced Wolfgang Overath). Borussia Mönchengladbach, when you're 7, sounds like the coolest thing in the world.

Greatest single personal performance I ever witnessed was from Dejan Savicevic for Milan against United, at United. It was amazing to think that the little Montenegrin genius was even considered an automatic choice at Milan at the time, he played like a magician (only with hats, rabbits, levitation and dismembered women). The Yugoslav team of 1990 was a genuinely talented side, plenty of silky skills on display, the way football should be played.

So, yeah. Influences and that. Der Zwiebeln are German, and Strathcarnage are FYR. Deal with it. Or not, see if I care.

Strathcarnage: A History

Strathcarnage doesn't really have a history. Started as a disgruntled offshoot of the Onions (basically, I wondered what it would be like if I started a team when I actually sort of knew what I was doing), it was soon left abandoned. Fortunately for them, the abandonment coincided with the Great FML Reset Announcement and subsequent free period, so they never properly went away. Thus, with the announcement of two kinds of GW - Fantasy (all generated players) and Returning Stars (real players who come back from the dead, but not as zombies), the Carnage were reborn, with a Former Yugoslav Republic theme.

Onion Terror: A History (Forward, Glorious Onions!)

Whilst the Italian glory years were unfolding for the Onions, FML itself was going through upheavals. A reset was announced, marking the sudden and extreme termination of all players in the near future. As the date came closer, a new Zola competition was proposed - the Single Nation Challenge Federation (choo choo).



In my vast and possibly foolish sense of fairness, I decreed it would be unfair to enter the Cipolle, as I'd been working on the squad identity for a number of seasons - everyone else would be cobbling a team together in a hurry. So, out went the Italians (a tearful moment), in came some money, out went some money, in came a bunch of Russians.

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Despite some early promise and briefly lifting the team reputation to an all time high, the experiment was ultimately undone by a complete lack of available Russian defenders and, for the final part of the GW life (a sadly curtained final season), and embryonic German theme was adopted, one that is now integral to the reborn Onions!

Onion Terror: A History (Il Cipolle Terrore)

See, what happened was, after a flurry of rebuilding, The Onions found themselves mostly populated by Italians. The entire defence, including the keeper, in fact. "Hey", they thought to themselves, "wouldn't it be good if ALL the players were Italian?". And so it was. As inspiration, they took Il Grande Torino - no, not a car or a grumpy, reactionary film featuring a wizened Clint Eastwood, but the greatest Italian club side in the history of football. For more about their tragic story (one close to my own heart, what with me being a Manchester United fan), go and read about the achievements here and the tragedy here. Genuine tactical attention was paid by the manager (me) for the first time in the club's history (a system influenced by a very Carlo Ancellotti style 442 diamond, with hints of England in 1966) and the club sported a new badge and kit to commemorate:

Badge:


Home Kit:


Away Kit:


On the pitch, things *gasp* started to go well. With a fully assembled squad of biscotti-obsessives - Tripepi pulling the strings as a deep-lying play maker, Mantioni provided elegant bite (Gattuso style - Francesco was also a product of the Oniony youth system) in the midfield, Piovesan a colossus between the posts, Pedrocchi, Squeri and Paloschi reaping the benefits upfront - results just kept coming. Rankings were climbed, the top fifty was broken into and Il Cipolle Terrore became a regular fixture up there. For about a season, at which point I did my usual trick of ruining it for them all...

Onion Terror FC: A History (the Early Years)

Onion Terror have a history. Some would say glorious, but that would mostly be mentalists and alcoholics. But, a history they have, and this is it.

They started life as a hodge podge side on the since deceased GW Zola. They were founded in a flurry of excitement, excitement that soon waned despite having Tim Howard in the starting squad. I think Tim's constant swearing at Vasily Berezutsky was a contributing factor (although having seen a picture of Vasily's squashed up Russian head, I think Tim was just using the Tourette's as an excuse). Early "stars" of the initial incarnation included tiny Hungarian winger Vladimir Koman, tiny Brazilian striker Vandinho and tiny Argentinian midfielder Walter Montillo. In fact, at times, it resembled as much a troupe of performing midgets as a football team. Matches were played with a cavalier 442 formation and an utter disregard for tactics. Still, they proudly displayed the first club crest and sported their first club strip:



They carried on doing this with little notable success for around about five seasons. During this time the very fabric of the club was threatened due to terrible stewardship and neglect (basically, I went away on business and messed up all my contract renewals and lost some of my most promising players. Idiot). In subsequent seasons they tried some new kits, the odd new badge, even dabbled with the idea of applying tactics. Lumbering Dutch genius Nacer Barazite came (and went), as did the Czech club scoring legend Martin Fenin. Then, due to a curious twist of player signing fate, they themselves on the brink of a brand new club identity...

Kick Off!

No, not the game, sadly. Sorry Dino Dini. No, what with this being a football themed sort of thing (albeit pretend computery football played on an enormous spreadsheet), I thought I'd start with a suitably footbally comment. So I did, up there.

So yes. Football Manager Live. The best waste of time since staring out of the window was invented (shortly after the invention of boredom and windows). Sucks hours out of your life, some money out of your bank account, and convinces you it's a good thing. And it is! Never have tiny dot-like representations of footballers been more appealling.

So this is my chronicle of my the history of my two glorious examples of footballing mediocrity, Onion Terror FC (Fantasy GW Valderrama) and Strathcarnage (RS GW Ramos).

Enjoy. Or don't. Like I care, cementhead.