Onion Terror FC: A History (the Early Years)

Onion Terror have a history. Some would say glorious, but that would mostly be mentalists and alcoholics. But, a history they have, and this is it.

They started life as a hodge podge side on the since deceased GW Zola. They were founded in a flurry of excitement, excitement that soon waned despite having Tim Howard in the starting squad. I think Tim's constant swearing at Vasily Berezutsky was a contributing factor (although having seen a picture of Vasily's squashed up Russian head, I think Tim was just using the Tourette's as an excuse). Early "stars" of the initial incarnation included tiny Hungarian winger Vladimir Koman, tiny Brazilian striker Vandinho and tiny Argentinian midfielder Walter Montillo. In fact, at times, it resembled as much a troupe of performing midgets as a football team. Matches were played with a cavalier 442 formation and an utter disregard for tactics. Still, they proudly displayed the first club crest and sported their first club strip:



They carried on doing this with little notable success for around about five seasons. During this time the very fabric of the club was threatened due to terrible stewardship and neglect (basically, I went away on business and messed up all my contract renewals and lost some of my most promising players. Idiot). In subsequent seasons they tried some new kits, the odd new badge, even dabbled with the idea of applying tactics. Lumbering Dutch genius Nacer Barazite came (and went), as did the Czech club scoring legend Martin Fenin. Then, due to a curious twist of player signing fate, they themselves on the brink of a brand new club identity...